Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'll walk again...

It's like the worm trying to walk up a slippery pole... or the drunkard..... we had as our Physical numerical subjects. The worm that climbed 5 inches and slipped 3, how long would it take the worm to reach the top of the pole? .... or the drunkard who walks 6steps and moves back 4, how long would it take the drunkard to fall in the drainage pit some feet away.

This is happening to me. I am trying to get to being the person I want to be. There goes half a day when I am all happy and pumped up but then there goes a whole week when I think that I've lost it. I can't do it. I can't be what I had dreamed to be, since the time I had started understanding, since the first time I had had the taste of being an asset and not a liability to the society. Somewhere down the line I lost the touch. It's like dim cinders... the life in me... it glows with a whiff of goodness, positivity, some good words, a good movie, but then it gets buried in the ashes of negativity.

Sounds like I have given up... but no I haven't.

I saw a person today. A person who meant the world to me for 8 yrs...I don't know I lost the person with all other good things. Yes the person was the goodness in me. I saw the person again a while ago... The person was the goodness in me.... I was but a kid then. I thought to myself... I have grown bigger and my heart has grown too small, complicated and compact for that sort of goodness to work for me any more. But to my relief the person has grown too. The person still stands tall and has created more reasons to be looked upto. If I am lucky, I would move ahead this time. As a kid I tried to be upto that person, now too I can try to be upto that person, and that's more than good enough for me.

God sure does show us light in mysterious ways.

Thanks. You love me as you always have loved me and been with me.


Ramesh Sood said...

RM... what a beautiful read..
But then you need not try.. you already are.. Someone influenced by Ayn Rand..(these words captured my attention after I came here as a reciprocal gesture..)
Yes, therefore you already are.. aren't you.. think over and move forward..

Happy to be here.. do visit again to look at my 100th post in August 2010.. and 200th too in January 2011..


Rashmirekha Manna said...

@RS: Your visit here is an an honour in itself for me. Thank you so much sir. And yes Ayn Rand is like a secret treasure in some cave in a secret island on some unknown sea, where I go from time to time when I run out of the currency to drive me through life.

Thanks for the inspiration. And I am gonna read your blogs right away



Don’t ever try to become somebody else’s dream. That is when you lose the freedom to shape your life your own way. It is way more rewarding ...