I Love You

The most beautiful truth and the ugliest lie a man can say is...I love you. It is even deadlier when you are lying to yourself

It's growing cold by the second....

What do you do when the one shoulder you could have leaned on goes cold

The one fireplace that was supposed to keep the house warm and welcome refuses to glow

You come running to break into a pair of arms but you see them crossed, closed

You sob and pray, and bow waiting for a caress on your head but hear no approaching footsteps

You see a dream together and wait all the years to celebrate its fulfillment but you don't see it reflected in the other pair of eyes

You tap and pull the shoulders;
You burn your fingers trying to light the fireplace;
You beat his chest with your fists to open the pair of arms;
You get up from your prayer, wipe your tears walk all the way to the other door;
You try to remind the other heart about the dreams you saw together

But the coldness prevails

You shrug your shoulders
Fold your fingers into a lotus;
Treasure your dreams in that lotus;
Wrap it in warmth of the fire burning in your heart;
Submerge it in your tears;
Keep the lotus close to your heart;
Close your eyes with a wet warmth under the eye lids;
Go into a slumber half awake, scared to see any more dreams

Love does not hurt or...?

Every erratic behaviour is not a display of love just because it is by someone who is supposed to love you.

It is true that we get hurt most by the people we love the most. But it doesn't imply that they should get proactive and take the responsibility of hurting us thoroughly.

If anyone claims that the person hurts you because the person loves you, then let them fool themselves alone.

Remember there is a difference between getting hurt owing to your own heart and being hurt by someone's acts intended to hurt you.

Love does not injure it heals.
It does not hurt it soothes.
It does not punish..it accompanies u in every hardship.

Else it is not love

Dear Heart...

One step at a time
If Your wish is to take me across this river with dreams as steps
Where I can only have one foot on any of the dreams at a time
and never stand with both the feet on any one dream for fear of falling and sinking in the river
Where I cannot so much as turn to appreciate the dream on the last step for fear of falling and sinking in the river
 
Pray do not make the dreams so alluring, that I fear falling and sinking in the dreams

Pray do not make the promise of slumber and the softness of the bed so rest assuring that I fear falling and sinking in the bed



This once I want to see what happens if I linger on a step.... if I delay the next dream (Yes there has always been a next dream.. I denounce it sulkily at times though) 



When your heart beats for another, and you believe the other bleeds for yours

And at the same time the other makes you feel smarting under it's miserliness of expression

At times you know that the other cares but do not want to believe it, for you will have to accept and submit to this eternal waiting for few drizzles of the other emoting

At times you feel the other does not care but do not want to believe it, for you will have to go through the painful unwanted discovery that it meant nothing... all of it.. was for nothing

When you do not know and you do not want to know

Pray for a state

when you do not know and you want to know

which is open armed surrender of cognition

then let yourself flow to a state

when you do know and you want to know 

and then  you say

Thy will be done... 

Till such time...hold on dear heart. Just a little more.... help is on the way... solace is on the way... happiness will come to stay with you for a little longer this time, for once life will look at you with committal eyes.... don't loose hope.. hold on a little more....

The same eyes will light up at your sight... the same lips will bloom at the hint of your steps.... 

Amen

God made me a woman and a river a river....but He gave me eyes and a heart to relate to the Story of the sea and the river

Once I had written


"We can walk in herds and end up in slaughter houses, without knowing why we exist. Just serving to a tasty, accepted palate.

Or we can walk as individuals, WITHOUT BEING APOLOGETIC ABOUT WHAT WE ARE.
Not afraid to say and be what we want to be.

Time to fight the emotional slavery."

Now I have a self question......

I am in love..... I may need to camouflage somewhat to let my inner self not be disturbed.

I will need to come out of love to be what I am and not use any camouflage.

They say true love never wants to change you.... But I will need to use a false persona like a false roof to shield myself from the other people, other than Him, who will walk into my life with the next step.

If I want to stay true to my own words I will have to leave everything and come out and be a Nomad once again....but I daresay I can continue to be the person who wrote the earlier article when I become a Nomad again.......

What is a bigger misdeed, what will be more regret fueling, to have touched the dream and see it wilt (if so happens) or not to ever touch it, keep it in the pages of life to open on some lonely evening and smile at the memory of tears and sob cry my heart out at the memory of the laughs we had together.

What will be more criminal, to blame him for the death of my dreams (if so) or to leave him just when we were about to reach the shore where we would have met and united for fear of a bitter aftermath.

What goes through a river's mind..... she flows all her path to meet the sea, does she change her course just before touching the sea for the fear of loosing herself and the fear of other entities that will engulf her besides the sea....or does she carry on with the anticipation of the satisfaction of at last embracing the sea.

What is more rewarding.... to embrace the sea.. or to take a u-turn and be able to see the sea retain it's apparent blueness forever, never dirtied by the brown of silt and mud and pollution.

Why has God made me a woman and not a river and him a man not a sea... to act unlike the river and the sea...? Is that what God wants ?... Or does he show this beauty of the meeting of sea and river just to urge me to go down all the way and meet him.

Does not the river come out again and find herself again after meeting the sea.... as clouds.... cleaned, purged, with the summer Sun of truth.... does it not go all the way to the land...to revitalize, to satiate, to enrich and come back to the sea.....

But again God made me a Woman not a river....? What's the message.... ?

http://heartspeakrm.blogspot.in/2013/01/blog-post.html

Bliss

Just realized looking out at the rains....

I love myself the most....

and I get overwhelmed in my own company

With the warm smell of coffee around.......

Take heart

Time starts moving when you stop checking it every second

Har saans kehti hai

Roz sinchti hun is paudhe ko

Roz kuchh aur mar jaata hai ye

Roz kuchh sapne udhaar laati hun
Kuchh phoolon se khushboo maang laati hun

Roz kuchh masoste hain sapne
Kuchh badboo aati hai kumhlaye phoolon se

Bankrupt

10 years ago there was a 21 year old girl, sitting before the idols of deities, crying, scared, asking Him to protect her and help her and her family.

Her family had gone bankrupt, they were under threat of physical violence by the creditors.

She prayed to the lord.

She went to her school Principal's house. She had just retired and had received a lot of money.

Our girl went to her with the purpose of seeking monetary help with an intention of returning in when she starts earning. She got this confidence, coz when she had topped in her college and paid a visit to the school Principal, the Principal had expressed to her father, a desire of owning her responsibility and sending her abroad for further studies. Being self respecting, the girl had then felt a rush of blood to her cheeks, as she felt it was as if her Principal was indicating that the girl's father did not have the good sense of ensuring that she pursues further studies. She had then left the Principal's house as early as she could. But now the times had changed, she had no other way out. She had considered handing herself over to the Principal and going wherever she wanted to send her, and let her take all the credit of her success while her family will be criticized for not seeing the good sense of doing the same themselves. But in return she would ask her just 2 lac rupees.

She was wrong, not in thinking that she won't get the money, but in thinking her Principal to be mean, as she now realizes that she meant well. And she really did not have any money to spare.

Anyways, she had no success. Then she wrote a letter to a man, whose article in the newspaper had inspired her.

She wrote an email, which can be summarized thus. She was encouraged with the man's ideas and was a very good brain herself. She can promise that she will be a success as a contributor to science and society, but in order that she can actually survive and continue studying till that time, she would need her family to be intact and for that she needs money which she would return once she is successful.

No reply ever came.

Then saw an advertisement of a poetry contest online, while she was at the cyber cafe, writing the email to the person who wrote the article. She wrote a poem and went to the cyber cafe again, but she was a novice about www. She could not be sure whether the poetry actually ever got posted or not. But she had read some sample poetries there and was somehow sure that her poetry was at par if not better.

But as we know she was a novice, and never got to know what happened to her entry.

She knocked every possible door and got no answer so there she was; sitting before the deities, asking protection for her and her family. She was scared to move out of her room.

10 years later, the girl had earned a lot of money..... no not by means which generally follow such turn of events, but rather by working. She is now a confident professional, doing very well in an MNC.

But Today, she is again sitting in front of the deities, crying. She is scared. She is asking them to protect her, to help her. She is Bankrupt emotionally......

She has knocked at the hearts of people, but no reply.

There are those people like her Principal who want to own her and be proud of her traits but cannot lend the emotional help.

There are people like the article writer, who preach love is great, but have no trust on what they preach. They don't trust that lovers exist in Today's world and thus don't take the cry for help seriously.

There are those conquests like the poetry contest, where you pour your heart out, but you cannot be sure whether anything got registered or not.

Nothing has changed, it was financial misery now it is emotional.

But misery is not a currency which can buy you anything but pity.

Everything else needs to paid back in equal currency. It is just that our girl has the money but in currencies that are not accepted around here.

She is using currencies of Gold which remain as true to their value Today as they were centuries ago; and people of Today used to paper money with the various marks of Dollars, Pounds, Rupees & Euros are more eager to believe that her currencies are too good to be True. The coins according to them can be Gold plated at best and will wear out showing the plastic within in no time.

The Girl with all her Gold, sits in front of the deities and cries, coz with all that Golden Currency of emotions and sincere love, she is bankrupt, she cannot get them exchanged to fill her hungry heart and thirsty eyes.

She is Bankrupt in this world of paper currency of make believe value.

Food for thought

Hello Everyone,

Today I am not going to share my own creation. Rather there is something that I liked and what made me get back to HeartspeakRM. I would love to share it with my friends out here.

I am hoping it helps me get back my knack of writing...


So here are the excerpts from what I gathered..
To achieve harmony in relationship, one needs to be at be harmony with oneself internally.

For that one needs fulfillment of 4 aspects of our personality - Physical, Emotional, Intellectual & Spiritual.

At Physical level we need food, clothing & Shelter, At an emotional level we need to get and give love.

Now coming to what stuck to me....

At an intellectual level we need good thoughts.
If one is hungry and doesn't get good food, the person will eat anything that is available just to satisfy hunger.

Similarly, when we do not get good positive thoughts, we dwell on whatever thoughts are available to us, at times very negative and detrimental.

"Intellectual Frustration" - this word stuck to me from this article on Times of India.


This cognition has brought me back here, coz I don't want to be a frustrated person in any sense of the word. That's a symptom of failure in this battle of life. It is a sign that one is going to give up. Some sort of finality. But I have not given up and not going to give up anytime soon :)

So here I am.

Satisfying my intellectual needs with my friends on this planet of beauty, love, poetry.

Hello Girl !!

Hello girl

You are gorgeous
You are the Sun
You are the moonlit night

You are the girl in the picture
with the bright laugh, her head held high
beaming at the sun, the dark brown hair shining as gold and the supple light arms holding on to a bicycle handle


You are the one to whom a small cute princess had gifted a rose with a dimpled smile on her face
You are the one who beamed when the proud parents listened on to a happy teacher
You are the one who whispered about an admirer to a best friend


You are the one who had it in her to moult and spread her wings and fly when the floods came charging in
You are the one who had it in her to sweep any crying heart off it's feet to a warm smiling sun
You are the one who had it in her to transform into the shy, loving, teasing, alluring sweetheart


Shrug this cloud of monotony off your shoulder
Race with your heart beats, egg each other on
Run so fast that you are cleansed of all the soot and dust of sadness
That your heart is full of the air that is "You"
The "You" you had once lived as and still go on being

You are the one who still has it in her

Solace

The same letters comforted the bruised heart again.
Like a warm air clears up the foggy glasses and makes things visible
I did not expect those few lines would ease out things for me Today also
What routes and passages remain alive in the subways and underworld of heart hidden under unlimited floors of self deception.