You are winning

You think you have me just where you wanted 

That you, through your consistent coldness, have successfully trained me to give you space 

If only you knew

You have been more successful than you had planned 

The space that is created is not in feet or metres 

It is in worlds

The distance that cannot be traversed in hours or miles 

The distance that cannot be conquered with money or might 

But can be erased with just a vulnerable look

Just a pair of relaxed shoulders not carrying the weight of notions 

Just a trusting voice that is ready to share the truest self with all its beauty and ugliness, all its might and weakness, all its riches and nothingness

Love, like it never was

Am upset because he doesn't speak to me,

Not like before,

Not like anyone,

Not like ever.

He wonders what makes me so upset when he doesn't even speak to me 

Not like before 

Not like anyone 

Not like ever 

Resolve

Don’t ever try to become somebody else’s dream. That is when you lose the freedom to shape your life your own way. It is way more rewarding to be the master of your own life than to be that dream.

Down the spiral with the mouse

 The corrosion of innocence.

Am I the only one or do you also feel the same way about growing up.

As the experience adds up, you gradually like being yourself less and less. 

Every time you use that experience to bail yourself out smartly, you feel a little more shy of the mirror.

You keep remembering what you used to be as a child or even youth or even a young adult but you fail to remember how was it that you had come to be that person. How could you maintain that state of mind and thought process. 

You promise yourself that you will try to recall that mental makeup. And if you can't remember how to, then you will do what good people are supposed to do and think the way they do.

You keep asking yourself, am I a bad person. Can I ever be a good person again? 

Then you wonder, if you are not able to like what you have become, how can you expect the people around to like you, love is a farther cry. 

You think it is still manageable, you can not expect everyone to like you. Then the next step down the stair, what if they hate you, what if they find you unbearable, difficult to live with. 

Is it going to be a lonely life even among people? 

Then comes the fear and the self blame and then the rebound, justifying self. The thousand instances justifying why I have become the way I have become. And then some more additions to the library of such instances with the new found energy generated by the need to stop the self blame, and guilt. Then comes the confidence to continue in the mature state of mind which had made you miss your younger self. 

Then you continue on this path, till you stumble again against a silent moment that finds your mind idle and throws some memories your way to break the silence and entertain itself. And then you go through the spiral again  and come out a little more "mature" a little more dislikable. 

And it goes on, till someday, we reach the bottom of the spiral. We realise that the moment of realisation can be the origin again. That being likable or dislikable is relative, and varies with culture and the company you are in.

That justifying wrong actions as a reaction can never be given precedence over the effort to be good again, self-blame can be stopped by just stopping the blame, by forgiving self. An extra boosting dose of justifications of past wrong doings is only going to boomerang. 

Then comes the moment of ultimate wisdom, that even the one who has written the second part of this article, herself cannot stop herself from going down that spiral that corrodes innocence, even after reaching the bottom of it once and having soared out of it successfully in the past. 

Now is it my goodness reminiscent of my younger self that made me write this article as a mirror to remind me to continue my efforts to revive the young innocent heart, or did I write this to justify that the spiral is unavoidable.

Time to chase the mouse in my head again. I will be back after some days, meanwhile you find your own mouse to keep that overactive, overthinking brain of yours busy. 

Come back

 

Where are all the people, the place suddenly looks so empty.

It's like I took a break from the twilight games and when am back everyone has left.

All the blogs I used to follow and the blogs they used to follow are like dilapidated remains of a hustling, jostling, thriving house, where life used to live.

I read a blog, I write what I feel only to see that it was posted years ago. Where are you all.

Do not tell me that, you have failed or given up trying in this battle of life.

You, the ones who had the remedy in their hands all the time, the magic window to let all pain out, your poetry, your write ups. You who had the strength to wake a thousand dull souls into life. You who had the strength to turn a gloomy evening into a charming scene from a classic romance.

Please get back. Let's light the fire place, let's get back out chairs and cozy cushions and set that evening up again. I am sitting here waiting for you all. Let's live again.

The Dew Lover

 You are bound to remain thirsty forever 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake 

Your heart is your undoing 

It beats so hard at the sight of dew

The leaf cannot stand the ripples and off goes the dew drop 

Vanishing into the green below

You wait for another dawn to have your due

But there goes your heart again and you loose the dew

You are going to be thirsty forever 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake. 

You are not called one with fine choices 

You are but arrogant and fool

Arrogant to think that you deserve it 

And fool enough to believe that dew is a reality 

It is no better than a mirage for the seekers of either

It ceases to be what it is or atleast what it appears to be the moment you are close enough to see it for real. 

You will always be thirsty 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake 

Life is a journey and love is a river that flows along side. The river adds a picturesque scenery to admire, and make the journey worthwhile, it nurtures the people we meet on the way, it shows the path, through its sparkle, in the dark nights and soothes, with the reassurance of calm, in the hot afternoons of life. We loose both the river and the journey when we hault to grab the river.

The river flows regardless. If you try to stop it, it will break and obliterate everything on its way. And with the journey of life thus halted, one struggles to catch up, even with the river itself that one wanted to grab.

The year that is

The year that is

The year of sadism

The year of the glorification of indignance, ill manners, rudeness, insensitiveness, ruthlessness, jealous vengeance. 

The year of the second handers, the ones who highlight their being with the corpses they burn, they won't be visible but for the burning  corpses. 

The year of coming forth, trying to hide behind each other, of the stone pelters who cannot  look at your eyes. 

The ever melting, ever moulding, amoeboid personalities, if such a thing exists. 

The year of the scavengers among us. 

I wonder if Corona is really the worst thing that has happened to humans or is it the thing that has brought forth the worst in us?

Is it the devil at work in some empty minds?

I wonder perhaps the ones in the jungle will be more civil.

I wonder, perhaps God is too repulsed to look at us. Has he run out of justifications to save us this time. 

Someone suggested, it will be all fine once Corona goes away. I thought "either that or I stop watching the news channels!!" 

Rashmirekha Manna

#interiordesignyourbrain, #behuman,#mannerspls

 

She's in a cooking competition where they are all competing to make the most sumptuous and satisfying meal.
Everyone around her is making desserts and Biryanis. She is no great guns at either but is still sweating it out to make one of these to make the fifth and final dish for the competition, with a hundred percent confidence of not winning it.

She can never win with her Biryani or desserts as she's still mastering them.

She took a step back and breathed. Wait a minute! The tikkis and  chats that she had made in the past have been absolute hits among the people she knows. Why not, it does not look heavy and royal but it works on the pallette and is definitely a welcome balance after all the heavy, attention hogging dishes.

She went for it and it all vanished in no time when it was put on the buffet.

Step back, focus on your strength. Play with your strengths. Whether you win or not, you would have put your best fight forward.
- Rashmi Manna
# Playyourstrength

Drop the bottle

 How many times has it happened to you when you have suddenly realised that the bottle or in your hands is empty, and you have unnecessarily carried it so far when you could have actually let go of it, and walked free with open palms since long.

We tend to do that to a lot more things than just bottles. For instance somebody's words; we carry the hurt and the pain, long after they've lost relevance.

No baggage. Just drop the bottle :)

Rashmi Manna

Let love be

Love is not about wanting to be with the  person.

Love is about letting the person be.

So be it.

RM

When you don't like a situation then accept it or act on it or quit the scene.
Blaming one's own self or destiny or others is only going to create exhausting negative energy.

Even the potter needs to give a few touches here and there periodically to bring out pottery of the desired shape.

Here the pottery to be beautified is our dear life.

RM

#Buildyourself #Designyourinterior

When was the last time you impressed yourself?
The key to contentment is to impress one's own self. Look at yourself like a third entity and ask would you like to be with this person.

Not yet ? Then find out what you look for in a person, be that, not what you think that other people would love to see you as. You may end up as a way better person.

See if you fall in love with yourself.

RM

#Selfenrichment #Buildyourself

Fear comes from the sense of not knowing, what lays ahead of, or what lays behind, that which is facing us; the antidote is to know; not to avoid.

RM

#Faceyourfears #Buildyourself #Selfenrichment

Only a seeker can be enlightened; the seeking may be conscious or otherwise.

RM

#Questforpeace #Questforknowledge

Quick Sand

The quicksand of happiness holds me only till I stay still and enjoy it's warmth.

It starts giving way the moment I try reaching out to hold on to something.

Be it as it may
I will stay still and prolong it's presence

I will be burried nevertheless
Only the sinking would be elgant and happy

RM

Soothe

Don't create that for others which made you suffer once.

Don't be the creator of restlessness for yourself and others.

Take the poison and give nectar.

The chain of negativity has to stop somewhere.

Be that last receiver, convert it into positivity and release it like a Dove.

#Peacemustprevail #Giveback

RM

Conscious happiness to unconscious happiness

If you have not been feeling happy and elated about being alive then it is a serious issue ;)

It's worth it to sit down and write on a piece of paper all that is going on in your mind.

Then read through all of them and identify the ones which make you feel a little uncomfortable.

There, you have identified the culprit. Now see what can be done about it.
It may call for a change in either your habits or routine, it may need a face to face conversation with someone at office/family/friend circle, may need medical attention, may need a little rest to your mind or body or both, may be a change in your current situation (job/home location/city).

It may so happen that you didn't find anything uncomfortable but nothing that exactly gives you a kick or excitement as well. The feeling would be like "not looking forward to anything :( "

Time to find your happiness.

Make a list of the activities which are considered enjoyable in general (in general cause you are not able to see anything as enjoyable).

Picture yourself doing that and what will be the feeling after you have done it and what are the side effects or incidental benefits that you can think of ...

●Watching a movie/play in theatre - caramel popcorn
●Watching a live performance/concert - being one with the crowd
●Trekking - Better health
●Vacation - New set of profile pics ;)
●Buy a camera and test your photography   skills during your escapades - Discovery
●Draft a new project to make things   interesting and give yourself a challenge at workplace - Better appraisal and Recognition, pride of being an example

If any or many of above make you feel like "not a bad idea, I can try" then do give it a try. Keep experimenting, this will engage you and you won't even realize when you would be smiling at yourself all over again.
From being consciously happy you will become unconsciously happy.

Find what you love about yourself and sharpen it.

#Worktowardsyoursmile #Raiseyourself #Helpself

RM

...but I wanted the best for them

"I can't understand why they don't understand this simple thing " said my friend. He was upset that his parents were not ready to come and stay with him, where they get all modern amenities and comforts; where they don't even have to lift a finger.

They wanted to stay back in the small town with the crowded market place, the weekly vegetable market with muddy puddles, the occasional bull fights on the road.

He was visibly distressed. "I am trying to give them the 'best' life but they are not appreciating it". He almost fumed with impatience.

I said, "It will be alright friend. You know what, I have just the 'best' thing to lift your mood." He looked at me. I said, "I have got 2 full Kilos of Chhenapoda (sweets made of jaggery and soft cheese, a delicacy of Odisha) just for you".
He didn't look happy, "I hate sweets".

I said, "but I tried doing the 'best' for you, the way you are trying to do the 'best' for your parents!!"

#Breatheandletbreathe #Letbe #Setfree

RM

When in doubt

When in doubt about a certain action /step/decision, think long term.

5 or 10 yrs down the line when you look back at this action /step /decision

Are you going to be proud of it?
Are you going to be glad about it?
Are you going to be okay about it?
Are you going to regret it?
Will you be able to share it proudly with others or atleast look at the mirror and say it to yourself without feeling embarrassed or stupid or angry with yourself?

The goodness or the feeling that you are getting out of it now, is it going to remain in your memory as goodness when you look back at it.

You will find your the haze clearing out and your path clear in front of you.

RM

#Theansweriswithin #Helpself