Stabbed

Love yourself
You are lovable
So I was told
I started loving myself
Left all strings I started loving myself
A constant echo walking behind me
You are worth it
Yes you can do it
I am ecstatic
I am almost smiling
Almost beginning to laugh
Suddenly my cheeks feel too tight for my smile
I am feeling light
Lighter
I find my heels raised
I find my hands uplifted
I find my chest elevated
Full with the complete breath of satisfaction
My head raised
My eyelids raised
My eyes shining
My throat seeping in the newness of the air
I am about to fly

Suddenly

A pain in my chest
My hands fend for my heart
My heels drop
My knees break
My face kissing the ground
I strain my ears for the echo behind
It's past
Can't recall when I heard it last
No none's behind
I grope for a friendly hand on my back
It's not there
I am not being followed any more
I see my hands, gore with blood
Behind my back I've been stabbed




Note: Pure fiction :). Just a flight of my mind

सदा (The call)

गुरूर के नशे में चूर
सजा याफ्ता तुम भी हम भी
दूर चमकता कुर्बत का सूरज
दूरियों के दरिया के किनारे तुम भी हम भी
रंजिश की आह ही सही
कोई शोर मचे
दिल से निकले जो आवाज़
इश्क की सदा बन जाती है
सुनने को बेताब तुम भी हम भी



Note: From my diary.

What's life ?

What's Life


A sunny winter morning
A musical folk night in desert
A lazy summer afternoon
A child's face warm and bright
Roaring happy family luncheon
Waiting for a colourful evening
A spark in someone's eyes

Or

A night of winter cold and dark
A deserted afternoon in desert
A day out, in summer, scorching, punishing and hard
A child wailing with empty stomach
A familiar face red angry and bitter
The exhaust from a departing vehicle
The night after some one has left forever

Or

It is a mixture
of warm nights and frozen days
of mirage and river
of loud sobs and peaceful laughter
of meetings and departures

Or

Is it a dream village of ever changing skies
which will soon be forgotten
When we open our eyes


? ? ?



Note: This is something I had written when I was 17. Lost it, tried to remeber and recreated it on 27 Aug' 2009. Thought of sharing it on this page today

Image from - http://vi.sualize.us/

रिहायी

बस इतना कह के मैं नहीं तेरी मंजिल
और मौत की राह पे छोड़ दे
फिर ये न कह कि मैं पसंद भी हूँ तुझे
कि फिर न जीते बने न मरते

पूरी उम्र एक अफ़सोस में गुज़रे
के ये किस कमी के साथ आये थे हम
न मिला आसमान न ज़मीन के हुए
मिली बस निगाहों में नमीं और एक खूबसूरत ग़म

ख्वाबों से भरी उन मीठी बातों से
ये ख़ामोशी अच्छी
गुर्बत के बादलों तले मुलाक़ात से
ये दूरी अच्छी

For guests not comfortable with the Hindi script:-

Rihayi


Bas itna keh ki main nahi teri manzil
Aur mout ki raah pe chhod de
Fir ye na keh ki main pasand bhi hoon tujhe
Ke fir na jeete bane na maarte

Poori umr ek afsos me guzre
Ke ye kis kami ke saath aaye the hum
Na mila aasman na zameen ke hue
Mili bs nigahon me nami aur ek khoobsurat gham

Khwabon se bhari un mithi baton se
Ye khamoshi achhi
Gurbat ke badlon tale mulaqat se
Ye doori achhi


Note: From my diary

सुकूँ की तलाश... ( In search of relaxation)

इतने सपने भर  लिए आँखों में
मुरझाये सपनों की भीड़ के परे
अँधेरे के सिवा कुछ दिखता नहीं

बचपन की याद
जैसे कहीं दूर पड़ रही बारिश का धुंधलका
बहुत कोशिश की पर किसी
बिसरे सपने की परछाई जितना भी दिखता नहीं

सुकूँ की नींद
जैसे गर्मियों की बारिश में ओलों का तोहफा
हज़ारों मोती आँखों के लुटाये; एक झपक की उम्र जितना भी कहीं बिकता नहीं


For guests who are not comfortable with the Hindi script :

Itne sapne bhar liye ankhon me
murjhaye sapnon ki bheed ke pare
andhere ke siva kuch dikhta nahin

Bachpan ki yaad
Jaise kahin door pad rahi barish ka dhundhalka
Bahut koshish ki par kisi bisre sapne ki parchhayi jitna bhi dikhta nahin

Sukoon ki neend
Jaise garmiyon ki barish me olon ka tohfa
Hazaron moti aaknhon ke lutaye; ek jhapak ki umr jitna bhi kahin bikta nahi

The translation:

Had filled my eyes with dreams thus
There is nothing I can see, beyond
the dead dreams, their crowd and silent chaos

The memories of child hood
Like the haze of rains in lands out of reach
Hard I tried; can't see as clear as even a forgotton dream

A relieved slumber
Like the gift of hailstones in April Showers
Spent thousand of pearls from my eyes; could not buy a little that would last the span of a bat of my eyelids

Oh Dear !

The way you love(d) me,
I don't know if you still

Don't want to know if you don't

Your love dazzled me,

and I was and am not able to see

If I loved you the same or not

It was so easy to fall in love with the way you love

I love the fact that you love(d) me

So much, I could not tell

What I loved more

You or the fact that you love me

If it's the former, it's bliss and it's glee

If the latter, it's still heaven for me

But what about you?

I did not want you to issue

an emotional blank cheque for me

Let me love n stay quiet about it

Liberated I want to be, just let me be
To love n stay quiet about it, please let me
I tried touching my dreams with my fingers once
Only broken pieces of a beautiful picture were left with me


I don't expect a confirmation or reassurance
Neither can I give it
Let me love the way I love it
Cause love is what I love and by your definition I mean it


I remember the time as a teen
I was in love with the idea of being in love
Want to be able to reach that state of bliss up above
When,not the person, its own means and end is itself, only love