Resolve

Don’t ever try to become somebody else’s dream. That is when you lose the freedom to shape your life your own way. It is way more rewarding to be the master of your own life than to be that dream.

Down the spiral with the mouse

 The corrosion of innocence.

Am I the only one or do you also feel the same way about growing up.

As the experience adds up, you gradually like being yourself less and less. 

Every time you use that experience to bail yourself out smartly, you feel a little more shy of the mirror.

You keep remembering what you used to be as a child or even youth or even a young adult but you fail to remember how was it that you had come to be that person. How could you maintain that state of mind and thought process. 

You promise yourself that you will try to recall that mental makeup. And if you can't remember how to, then you will do what good people are supposed to do and think the way they do.

You keep asking yourself, am I a bad person. Can I ever be a good person again? 

Then you wonder, if you are not able to like what you have become, how can you expect the people around to like you, love is a farther cry. 

You think it is still manageable, you can not expect everyone to like you. Then the next step down the stair, what if they hate you, what if they find you unbearable, difficult to live with. 

Is it going to be a lonely life even among people? 

Then comes the fear and the self blame and then the rebound, justifying self. The thousand instances justifying why I have become the way I have become. And then some more additions to the library of such instances with the new found energy generated by the need to stop the self blame, and guilt. Then comes the confidence to continue in the mature state of mind which had made you miss your younger self. 

Then you continue on this path, till you stumble again against a silent moment that finds your mind idle and throws some memories your way to break the silence and entertain itself. And then you go through the spiral again  and come out a little more "mature" a little more dislikable. 

And it goes on, till someday, we reach the bottom of the spiral. We realise that the moment of realisation can be the origin again. That being likable or dislikable is relative, and varies with culture and the company you are in.

That justifying wrong actions as a reaction can never be given precedence over the effort to be good again, self-blame can be stopped by just stopping the blame, by forgiving self. An extra boosting dose of justifications of past wrong doings is only going to boomerang. 

Then comes the moment of ultimate wisdom, that even the one who has written the second part of this article, herself cannot stop herself from going down that spiral that corrodes innocence, even after reaching the bottom of it once and having soared out of it successfully in the past. 

Now is it my goodness reminiscent of my younger self that made me write this article as a mirror to remind me to continue my efforts to revive the young innocent heart, or did I write this to justify that the spiral is unavoidable.

Time to chase the mouse in my head again. I will be back after some days, meanwhile you find your own mouse to keep that overactive, overthinking brain of yours busy. 

Come back

 

Where are all the people, the place suddenly looks so empty.

It's like I took a break from the twilight games and when am back everyone has left.

All the blogs I used to follow and the blogs they used to follow are like dilapidated remains of a hustling, jostling, thriving house, where life used to live.

I read a blog, I write what I feel only to see that it was posted years ago. Where are you all.

Do not tell me that, you have failed or given up trying in this battle of life.

You, the ones who had the remedy in their hands all the time, the magic window to let all pain out, your poetry, your write ups. You who had the strength to wake a thousand dull souls into life. You who had the strength to turn a gloomy evening into a charming scene from a classic romance.

Please get back. Let's light the fire place, let's get back out chairs and cozy cushions and set that evening up again. I am sitting here waiting for you all. Let's live again.

The Dew Lover

 You are bound to remain thirsty forever 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake 

Your heart is your undoing 

It beats so hard at the sight of dew

The leaf cannot stand the ripples and off goes the dew drop 

Vanishing into the green below

You wait for another dawn to have your due

But there goes your heart again and you loose the dew

You are going to be thirsty forever 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake. 

You are not called one with fine choices 

You are but arrogant and fool

Arrogant to think that you deserve it 

And fool enough to believe that dew is a reality 

It is no better than a mirage for the seekers of either

It ceases to be what it is or atleast what it appears to be the moment you are close enough to see it for real. 

You will always be thirsty 

Coz it is only the dew that you partake 

Life is a journey and love is a river that flows along side. The river adds a picturesque scenery to admire, and make the journey worthwhile, it nurtures the people we meet on the way, it shows the path, through its sparkle, in the dark nights and soothes, with the reassurance of calm, in the hot afternoons of life. We loose both the river and the journey when we hault to grab the river.

The river flows regardless. If you try to stop it, it will break and obliterate everything on its way. And with the journey of life thus halted, one struggles to catch up, even with the river itself that one wanted to grab.