Dear Heart...

One step at a time
If Your wish is to take me across this river with dreams as steps
Where I can only have one foot on any of the dreams at a time
and never stand with both the feet on any one dream for fear of falling and sinking in the river
Where I cannot so much as turn to appreciate the dream on the last step for fear of falling and sinking in the river
 
Pray do not make the dreams so alluring, that I fear falling and sinking in the dreams

Pray do not make the promise of slumber and the softness of the bed so rest assuring that I fear falling and sinking in the bed



This once I want to see what happens if I linger on a step.... if I delay the next dream (Yes there has always been a next dream.. I denounce it sulkily at times though) 



When your heart beats for another, and you believe the other bleeds for yours

And at the same time the other makes you feel smarting under it's miserliness of expression

At times you know that the other cares but do not want to believe it, for you will have to accept and submit to this eternal waiting for few drizzles of the other emoting

At times you feel the other does not care but do not want to believe it, for you will have to go through the painful unwanted discovery that it meant nothing... all of it.. was for nothing

When you do not know and you do not want to know

Pray for a state

when you do not know and you want to know

which is open armed surrender of cognition

then let yourself flow to a state

when you do know and you want to know 

and then  you say

Thy will be done... 

Till such time...hold on dear heart. Just a little more.... help is on the way... solace is on the way... happiness will come to stay with you for a little longer this time, for once life will look at you with committal eyes.... don't loose hope.. hold on a little more....

The same eyes will light up at your sight... the same lips will bloom at the hint of your steps.... 

Amen

God made me a woman and a river a river....but He gave me eyes and a heart to relate to the Story of the sea and the river

Once I had written


"We can walk in herds and end up in slaughter houses, without knowing why we exist. Just serving to a tasty, accepted palate.

Or we can walk as individuals, WITHOUT BEING APOLOGETIC ABOUT WHAT WE ARE.
Not afraid to say and be what we want to be.

Time to fight the emotional slavery."

Now I have a self question......

I am in love..... I may need to camouflage somewhat to let my inner self not be disturbed.

I will need to come out of love to be what I am and not use any camouflage.

They say true love never wants to change you.... But I will need to use a false persona like a false roof to shield myself from the other people, other than Him, who will walk into my life with the next step.

If I want to stay true to my own words I will have to leave everything and come out and be a Nomad once again....but I daresay I can continue to be the person who wrote the earlier article when I become a Nomad again.......

What is a bigger misdeed, what will be more regret fueling, to have touched the dream and see it wilt (if so happens) or not to ever touch it, keep it in the pages of life to open on some lonely evening and smile at the memory of tears and sob cry my heart out at the memory of the laughs we had together.

What will be more criminal, to blame him for the death of my dreams (if so) or to leave him just when we were about to reach the shore where we would have met and united for fear of a bitter aftermath.

What goes through a river's mind..... she flows all her path to meet the sea, does she change her course just before touching the sea for the fear of loosing herself and the fear of other entities that will engulf her besides the sea....or does she carry on with the anticipation of the satisfaction of at last embracing the sea.

What is more rewarding.... to embrace the sea.. or to take a u-turn and be able to see the sea retain it's apparent blueness forever, never dirtied by the brown of silt and mud and pollution.

Why has God made me a woman and not a river and him a man not a sea... to act unlike the river and the sea...? Is that what God wants ?... Or does he show this beauty of the meeting of sea and river just to urge me to go down all the way and meet him.

Does not the river come out again and find herself again after meeting the sea.... as clouds.... cleaned, purged, with the summer Sun of truth.... does it not go all the way to the land...to revitalize, to satiate, to enrich and come back to the sea.....

But again God made me a Woman not a river....? What's the message.... ?

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Bliss

Just realized looking out at the rains....

I love myself the most....

and I get overwhelmed in my own company

With the warm smell of coffee around.......

Take heart

Time starts moving when you stop checking it every second